It’s a wacky world out there

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Just a few “bon mots” of people and stories that result in some having way too much time on their hands, I think.

Here we are in the midst of national Non-Smoking Week, where the Canadian Cancer Society puts its best foot forward, trying to convince what few smokers we have left, to kick the habit. In some places, prizes are being offered like cars to quit smoking. I always thought, “You’re going to die of cancer,” always had a ring to it for me. Yes, I too was a smoker way back when and no, I am not a “born again” non-smoker. I quit well over 30-years ago and I took the “cold turkey” approach. Smoked a ton of cigarettes at a New Year’s Eve party and the next day went to work (ahh, to be young again) and didn’t take my ciggies and had no access to cigarettes so I had to live without them for a whole seven or eight hours. By time I got home, the “hangover headache” was kicking in big time, so it was immediately off to bed until the next day and voila I had gone a whole day without smoking. So I tried it again, and again, and again and here we are. At the time I quit, I was “lighting up” about two packs a day (back then they cost .33¢ a pack). Everyone has their own way of quitting or trying to quit and if you’re trying to quit the habit, I wish you well.

But even in smoking there are those who have too much time on their hands. A psychiatrist in Quebec has written a new book that not only defends the smoker but suggests benefits to smoking.

His name is Dr. Jean-Jacques Bourque and the book is called Ecrasons la cigarette, pas le fumeur or I’m told translated it’s “Crush the cigarette, not the smoker.” In any event he says smoking can help those poor souls who may be in a deep depression of some sort and goes as far to suggest that the problems associated with second-hand smoke is far less dangerous than we’re lead to believe.

To be fair, Dr. Bourque, who is a smoker himself, is not calling on everyone to start smoking. He just felt that the much maligned smoker needs someone on their side.

You have to guess how the anti-smoking groups reacted to all of this.

Then there’s this Italian medical professor and you’ve got to be wondering what kind of smoke he was on … this learned gentleman, whose specialty is pathological anatomy, says the timeless artistic masterpiece, the Mona Lisa, has a very simple explanation as to why her haunting facial expression is that of which art students have discussed forever.

He says her “sort of” smile (or is it a smirk) is probably the result of a diet too high in cholesterol.

I’m not making this up.

The professor says the glint in the woman’s left eye (a glint?) is just a build up of fatty acids around her eye socket (how romantic is that art fans?).

Mona, Mona, clean up your diet, please. Fatty acids in the eye socket are just gross.

Now you may think that the above are time wasters but here’s one to save you time and they love it in Japan.

It’s for the ladies and it’s a brand new “golf bra.” You’ve heard of the sports bra and the traditional bra and now the golf bra.

It’s for the busy woman who loves to golf.

Apparently it’s a green corset type garment that (are you ready) can be removed and unrolled to create a 1.5 metre long putting mat.

The story I read says the bra also features pockets for extra golf balls and tees, and a detachable flag pin that serves as a score pencil.

You think it ends there don’t you.

It doesn’t.

When the golfer sinks a putt into one of the “cups,” a speaker built into this gizmo belts out a congratulatory “Nice shot!”

My mind reels.

You think it ends here don’t you.

You’re right, it does (but I do have more for another day).

I’m John Divinski.

Organizations: Canadian Cancer Society

Geographic location: Quebec, Japan

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