The oldest excuse in the book is probably this one used by Little Johnny: “The dog ate my project.” His teacher wasn’t born yesterday. He just says, “No problem. I guess you forgot your project was to be an oral presentation. Let’s hear it now.”
The next time you go to do some tire-kicking and hood-lifting, be prepared to hear a spiel something like this, “It was driven by a little ole lady, only once in a while, just to church.” Sure! She was probably a pole dancer, too. By the way, you might ask about the racing stripes on the hood, the after-market spoiler on the trunk and the racing slicks on the rear. Another line: “Gas mileage? You’ll probably forget where the filler cap is.” Before you sign, you’ll ask about what fall-backs come with the deal. The response will inevitably be, “What does the warranty cover? No need to ask. Just sign here.”
If you’re ready to hear more lies, be prepared to hear something like this when you’re getting ready to take a trip to Syria, Gaza and North Korea: you’ll be reassured to hear, “Never heard of those places, but our travel insurance probably covers just about everything and everywhere.”
Little Johnny’s was the oldest one in the book. Here’s the newest: “With this baby, you’ll never, never ever need any more memory. Believe me.”
Yes, winter seems to be over, but don’t put that bag of salt away. As this week’s column is trying to say, “Take everything with a grain of salt.”
