There’s still enough of the camping season left to leave your apartment and try your hand at exploring camping in the great outdoors. Assuming that your three children are still in elementary school, and none of you have ever had any camping experience, here are some suggestions for you to follow.
1] Pick a remote wilderness area, at least 400 km from home. That way there will be no know-it-all campers around to offer unwanted advice.
2] Based on your family size of five, purchase a tent that is clearly labelled “SLEEPS FIVE”. That will give you all the room you’ll need, even on days of continuous rain.
3] Purchase a four-burner propane stove, as you will need to prepare three appetizing and very attractive meals both days. Be sure to include a generous number of plates, bowls and saucers for each course of each meal.
4] Do not wear expensive footwear, as your hike in with all your gear is likely to be rough and muddy. The least expensive bargain basement shoes will break-in by the end of the first day of your weekend stay. Keep your outing to just a weekend.
5] You should get the least expensive but largest backpack you can find for every member of your family. They’ll feel needed and be regarded as equal partners in your expedition.
6] On the Saturday morning departure from home, let the rest of family sleep in while you load up your Honda Civic two-door sedan. The children’s entertainment devices should be fully charged, ready for use when you arrive at your destination.
7] Don’t dawdle on your drive northward, as you will have to search diligently to find a suitable location to park, unload your gear, hike in to find a clear, flat, and dry site to pitch your tent. You’ll need to read the tent assembly instructions carefully.
8] As there are likely to be bears, raccoons and skunks in the area, bring all your foodstuffs into the tents with you overnight, as they can detect the scents of smoked meats, pastries and honey, even though it may be raining heavily.
9] You must get up early on Sunday morning, to quietly prepare breakfast, so as not to disturb the children who are likely to be enjoying their entertainment devices inside the tent. Remember: on your drive home, you’ll likely encounter traffic jams.
10] This is the Tenth Commandment of first-time camping: ENJOY!
P.S. My tongue is aching from being ‘in cheek’. In next week’s DWW, I’ll give you the real goods about introducing yourselves to wilderness camping.
