Dances With Words: Career opportunities abound

Nick Wolochatiuk ~ Dances With Words
Dances With Words: Career opportunities abound
HIGH MAINTENANCE! – If it has only one spark plug, or a pull cord, or runs on a gas / oil mix, it provides endless employment for skilled mechanics. (Photo by Nick Wolochatiuk)

Let’s see what’s available to those redundant workers I mentioned last week. Those porters, navigators, flight engineers, proof readers and railroad caboose men need to be given new ways of earning a living.

Only teens or under are comfortable with computer technology. That’s where the navigators who are now walking the streets can find a work niche that fits their skill set. There are job openings for them as instructors in the use of computers.

Warning: do not let anyone who is a teen or less teach you how to use any computer-related device. Their fingers will fly over the keyboard, a mumbo-jumbo of words will assault your ears, with “There! That’s it. That’s how it’s done” as the finale. Unfortunately, you will be none the wiser. Your instructor must keep hands in pockets and allow your fingers to repeat the given operations as often as a black Lab likes to fetch a stick.

Our world has to become eco-friendly, carbon neutral, green and sustainable. There is no means of recreation and travel that fits that bill better than a canoe.

Unfortunately, 97.9 % of first attempts at self-taught canoeing end up with going around in circles, an unintended swim and the words, “#XX!** canoes are tippy!” We need experienced J-stroke instructors, folks who know how to pronounce gunwale, who can use the word butt without it being a four-letter word and can explain that a yoke is not a yolk.

There is nothing ornerier and demanding of TLC than a small engine, such as those found in chain saws, snow blowers, lawn mowers and wood splitters. Just about every three streets in suburbia needs a small-engine repair guy or gal.

Is there still a job for that little old lady proof reader I met in 1995? Just take out your copy of ACTIONlocal’s Alexandria & Area phone book. Open it to pages 30, 46, 68, 98, 102 or 125. My case rests.

Any of the above career suggestions are guaranteed to get you off UIC and gainfully employed until your CPP kicks in.

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