An open letter to God

Nick Wolochatiuk ~ Dances With Words
An open letter to God

Dear God,

My apologies for bothering you at this time. I realize that you are quite busy overseeing what’s happening in Ukraine, dealing with the inflation problem, arguing with the anti-vaxxers and overseeing the floods and wildfires.

First of all, I must compliment you on the wonderful job you did on HUMAN ANATOMY 101. I particularly admire how well you did on the FEMALE FEATURES app. Very nice!

However, just as WINDOWS 12 is on the horizon down here, may I respectfully suggest that you start giving some thought to up-grading the EARS FEATURES app.




USE THEM – If you want to hear the call of the loon, the howl of the wolf, the hoot, hoot of the owl, or your partner whispering, “I love you, dear!”, wear ear protection. (Photo by Juliet Gill)


In your Genesis days, ears had just about one purpose, to facilitate hearing, but some people fail to use it for listening. After the Industrial Revolution, Thomas Edison and the transistor, there have been big changes. Oops! I forgot to mention what COVID has wrought upon ears. The earliest burden imposed on ears, or ‘auricula’ if you prefer the fancy term, was the addition of ear adornments, various attachments onto the lobe called barbells, dangles, drops, hoops, huggies and jhumki. There areearrings that hold onto the lobe by the magnetic attraction between two parts. Unfortunately, permanent earrings were used as a mark of slavery.

Then came eye glasses. Much later, hearing aids. When COVID came on the scene, there was the addition of face masks that had to hold on for dear life by a loop a of elastic behind the ear. Finally, the plastic face shield! All that paraphernalia doesn’t leave much room for ear buds.

Fortunately, some folks who work near chain saws, jet engines, jack hammers and construction vehicles have had the wisdom to use ear guards. I certainly do. That’s why I still have good hearing.

People of extreme northern and southern latitudes have added ear muffs to their winter attire.

God, excuse my rambling on. Also, I must apologize for using a generic name to address you, and not using your proper name. I’ve consulted with several priests, rabbis, imams, scholars, and even atheists and agnostics, but none agree on what that name is.

Finally, here’s my plea. Please come up with a more robust ear design, one that can cope with all the current demands imposed on it. I have no idea what new ones are just out of earshot, but you certainly do.

Share this article